6 'Helpful' Things You're Doing That Are Actually Contributing to Math Anxiety

Does your child freeze up during math homework? Do they say things like "I'm just not good at math"? You're not alone. Math anxiety affects many children (and adults), and some of the ways we try to help can sometimes make things worse.

We want to support our kids. We praise them for quickly finding an answer, share our own struggles in an effort to be relatable, and jump in (sometimes too quickly) to help when they're stuck. These feel like the right moves, but research on reducing math anxiety shows they can actually fuel the very problem we're trying to solve.

We want to help you understand why some of these well-intended actions can actually contribute to the problem. With this knowledge, you can shift your approach and help your child build genuine confidence. We’ll explore six well-meaning behaviors that may be contributing to math anxiety and highlight what to do instead.

1. Praising Speed Over Thinking

What It Looks Like

"Great job, you finished so fast!" or "Wow, you got through all those problems already!" You might also use timed flashcard apps or set timers during homework to encourage efficiency. We know this is well intentioned and is often modeled after how many of us adults were taught math ourselves

Why It Backfires

When we praise speed, children internalize that being "good at math" means getting answers quickly. This creates pressure and teaches them that math is about racing to the finish line rather than understanding concepts deeply.

However, many brilliant mathematicians are slow, careful thinkers. Laurent Schwartz, who won the Fields Medal (essentially the Nobel Prize of mathematics), worried throughout his school years that he wasn't good at math because he was always much slower than other students. Yet his careful, deep thinking led to groundbreaking mathematical discoveries.

When speed becomes the measure of success, children who need more processing time begin to believe they're “not math people.” This belief is a direct pathway to math anxiety.

What to Do Instead

Shift your focus to the thinking process. Say things like:

• "I love how you thought about that problem"

• "Tell me about your strategy"

• "Math is about understanding, not about being fast"

Eliminate speed-based apps and timed tests at home. Remove any pressure around how quickly they complete homework. When children feel they have time to think, their anxiety decreases and their actual understanding increases.

2. Saying "I Was Never Good at Math Either"

What It Looks Like

When your child expresses frustration with math, you try to be empathetic and relatable by sharing: "I was never good at math either" or "Math was always my worst subject too, don't worry about it."

Why It Backfires

While you're trying to comfort your child and let them know they're not alone, you're accidentally sending a devastating message: that math ability is fixed, inherited, and unchangeable. Children internalize that if you "weren't good at math," then they probably won't be either.

Research shows that roughly 93% of American adults report some level of math anxiety, and our attitudes directly influence our children. One study found that when math-anxious parents frequently help with homework, their children learn significantly less math and develop more anxiety by year's end—not because helping is bad, but because the anxiety transfers.

What to Do Instead

Reframe your own math story and model a growth mindset:

• "I didn't learn math this way, but I'm excited to figure it out with you"

• "I used to struggle with this, but I've learned that anyone can get better at math with practice"

• "Math made more sense to me once I understood it differently"

If you're feeling anxious about your child's math homework, that's a sign to work through your own math anxiety. You don't have to hide your past struggles. Instead, highlight for your child that those experiences don't define your current abilities or theirs.

3. Focusing Only on the Right Answer

What It Looks Like

When reviewing homework, the first thing you ask is: "Did you get it right?" You check answers immediately and emphasize correctness over everything else. Wrong answers are quickly erased or redone.

Why It Backfires

This approach turns math into a high-pressure, high-stakes activity where mistakes feel like failures. Children become so focused on getting the "right answer" that they stop taking risks, asking questions, or trying new strategies. The fear of being wrong can become paralyzing.

Even more problematic: neuroscience research shows that our brains actually grow more when we make mistakes and think about them than when we get answers right immediately. By treating mistakes as something to quickly fix and move past, we rob children of their most powerful learning opportunities.

What to Do Instead

Shift the entire focus from the answer to the process:

• Ask "How did you think about this?" before asking if it's correct

• When there's a mistake, ask "What could we learn from this mistake”

• Celebrate interesting mistakes: "This is fascinating! Your answer tells me you were thinking about this in a creative way"

Normalize mistakes as a valuable part of learning. Make it clear that you're interested in understanding their reasoning, not just their answers. This reduces the pressure and helps children see math as exploratory rather than perfectionistic.

4. Over-Explaining or Teaching "Your Way"

What It Looks Like

Your child shows you their homework, and the method looks confusing or unnecessarily complicated. You say: "Forget what the teacher showed you. Let me teach you the REAL way." or "This is way too hard; just do it like this." You then show them the procedure you learned in school.

Why It Backfires

When children receive conflicting mathematical methods, they get caught between pleasing you and following their teacher's instructions. This creates confusion and erodes their confidence in both approaches. They may start to doubt their ability to understand math at all.

More importantly, today's math instruction has evolved for good reasons. Modern math teaching (aka "New Math") emphasizes understanding why math works, not just memorizing procedures. The strategies your child is learning are designed to build deeper comprehension and number sense. When we dismiss these approaches, we accidentally undermine the very strategies designed to reduce math anxiety and build genuine understanding.

What to Do Instead

Get curious about new approaches rather than competing with them:

• "This looks different from how I learned it. Can you teach me how it works?"

• "I see your teacher wants you to use this strategy. Let's figure it out together"

• Learn alongside your child. Resources like Math Happiness Project are designed specifically to help families understand modern math instruction

• If you're genuinely confused, reach out to the teacher or seek family-friendly resources before introducing your own method

Remember: different doesn't mean wrong. The unfamiliar strategies your child is learning might actually be more effective at building the understanding and confidence they need.

5. Stepping In Too Quickly When They Struggle

What It Looks Like

The moment you see your child looking confused or frustrated, you jump in: "Here, let me show you how to do this" or "I can tell you're stuck—the answer is..." You want to save them from the discomfort of not knowing.

Why It Backfires

When we rescue children too quickly, we accidentally send the message that struggle equals failure. Children start to believe that if they can't figure something out immediately, it means something is wrong with them. They never develop the tolerance for what we call productive struggle (that uncomfortable but valuable space where real learning happens).

This creates a vicious cycle: children feel anxious when they don't know something instantly, which leads them to give up or ask for help right away, which prevents them from building the resilience and problem-solving skills they need to work through challenges independently.

What to Do Instead

Learn to sit with your child's productive struggle:

• Give them time to think before offering help

• Ask guiding questions instead of providing answers: "What have you tried so far?" or "What do you know about this problem?"

• Normalize struggle: "This is supposed to be challenging. That's how your brain grows!"

• Share your own thinking process when you're figuring something out

If your child is genuinely stuck (not just uncomfortable), help them take a small next step rather than solving the whole problem. The goal is to build their confidence that they can work through difficult things, not to eliminate all difficulty.

6. Only Doing Math During Homework Time

What It Looks Like

Math happens at the kitchen table with worksheets, textbooks, and a serious atmosphere. Outside of school and homework, math doesn't come up in daily life. It stays confined to formal learning settings.

Why It Backfires

When math only exists in high-pressure homework situations, children never see it as relevant, useful, or enjoyable. It becomes something they have to endure rather than a natural part of thinking about the world. This separation intensifies anxiety because math feels like a special, difficult subject rather than an integrated life skill.

Children miss the opportunity to build positive associations with mathematical thinking. They don't see math in the games they play, the food they cook, or the stories they hear. As a result, they miss out on opportunities to develop an intuitive, comfortable relationship with numbers and patterns.

What to Do Instead

Bring math into everyday moments in natural, low-pressure ways:

• Play card games like Tens, War, or Blackjack that build math skills while having fun

• Notice math during cooking: "If we're making muffins for your  whole class and the recipe serves 12, what should we do?"

• Point out patterns during walks: "Look at how the fence posts are arranged—what do you notice?"

• Incorporate math into your nightly story time by simply highlighting it in the books you are reading

• Ask open-ended questions that encourage mathematical thinking without pressure. We offer a new question each week as part of our Math Thinking Monday series that is designed to be asked anytime you have a few minutes-during grocery pickup, mealtime, or on a walk. 

The goal is for children to see that math isn't confined to homework—it's a way of thinking about the world that can be engaging and useful.

Moving Forward: Reducing Math Anxiety Takes Intention

If you recognized yourself in any of these behaviors, don't worry. These are incredibly common mistakes that come from a genuine desire to help. The fact that you're reading this means you're already taking steps to support your child more effectively.

Reducing math anxiety isn't about one perfect conversation or strategy. It's about consistently creating an environment where:

• Thinking matters more than speed

• Mistakes are valued as learning opportunities

• Math shows up in playful, low-pressure contexts

• Struggle is normalized as part of growth

• Different approaches are embraced with curiosity

For more support on helping your child develop a healthy relationship with math, check out our guide on how to support children with math anxiety. You can also download our free Math Anxiety Quick Start Guide for practical strategies you can implement today.

Remember: small shifts in how we talk about and approach math can make an enormous difference in how our children feel about their mathematical abilities. You've got this!